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I regect your reality, and substitute my own...

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alright, nothing fun and nothing horrible. i got calls from my dad and my aunt barbra. and the kids wraped things up in paper and gave me presents:P  at one point Alanna was throwing a fit and when she wouldent stop i asked her if she had a bad day and she started crying all over again, freaking out because i didnt get a cake :P i think she was more mad that she didnt get any ;)
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Im usually a pritty easy going person, i dont usually stress out, my blood pressure stays pritty low.  the concept of a panic attack if pritty foreign. Rign now though i just want to cry.  My babysitter flaked out on me, im facing the real possibility of looking this apartment if i cant find a roomie.  Im so happy wit that fact that im in school finally. wich makes it thats much worse that thises things that are now working out will signifigantly hinder my ability to keep going. and i CANT stop going. i just cant.

 

once upon a time i had friends and family. i had to move away from my best friend in the whole world. my parents are gone for one reason or another. my brother chris, my rock. is dead now. his birthday was yesterday.  my relationship deterioated to the point where we couldent stand eachother. and i made the chioce to leave that situation even though it meant leaving the only stable, extended family situation ive ever had. jeffs family say they stiil love me. but there is a change and its to be expected. before i moved out, for about 2 or 3 years i was so depressed and i didnt even know it. part of it was the state of our relationship and part of it was not having my narcolepsy medication and fealing worthless.  those things have been remidied and i feal so much better for it.  up untill  a few days ago anyway.

I dont regret my decision to say enough is enough.  i just wish i had some support thru what has been the hardest time in my life. im not depressed like i was anymore. right now though im incredibly sad, lonely and scared.  for a few months it seemd like everything was working out. now it seems like everything ive achived is balancing on the edge of a clif. and im terified.

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I would really appreciate if all of you guys that live in Portland could re-post this so your Portland friends can see. maybe someone can offer me what im looking for.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/sha/837491201.html

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Its soo nice to be back home 
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You Are the Innovator



You're the type of person who is always a step ahead of everyone else.

You thrive when you're experimenting with new designs, ideas, and attitudes.



You are a creative person with many talents. You have to have artistic outlets in your life.

You need to create - whether it's writing furiously or redecorating your home. If not, your life becomes chaotic.



You tire of doing the same thing every day. You change your job, friends, and personal style often.

You are at your best when you have a focus. If not, you develop a flaky artist's temperament.

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Psent the night in a hotell in salem on thursday night. hannah had fun with that. tina got into salem on friday and picked us up. and we spent friday and saterday at Jakes house.   it was intresting watching hannah interact with jake. she loved calling him dad and actually asked him if he wanted her back. jake, for his part was really good with her. i hope it can continue hannah needs a male figure in her life thats actually going to be a round. Jakes wife desi is so sweet and nice and i love her to peices. shes pregnant and has the cutest little belly. 

the drive to woyoming was LONG but alright. the kids were good and so were the dogs and loki. its very beautifull here, in a high desert sort of way. ill post some pictures later

oh, and me madre is in jail AGAIN ...*sigh* all i know is that she has a theft charge and something about phone harassment. my aunt barbra says that she should be put in a psych ward. and i agree. but i doubt its going to happen. 


later :)
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You Are Sexually Powerful



Your attitude toward sex is healthy, safe, and sane.

You enjoy sex as much as (or possibly even more than) the average person.



You're open minded, intelligent, and adventurous when exploring your sexuality.

And while you never take things too far, you take them far enough!

* * *

About a Girl



Girls Only


by Hailey



    001. What is Your Name?

    Tara




    002. How old are you?

    25




    003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace?

    www.myspace.com/tizznara




    004. Height:

    5'5"




    005. Where do you live?

    portland




    006. Do you wear a lot of makeup?

    no




    007. Piercings?

    a few





    Your Perfect Date:


    008. Age:

    older than me by atlease 5 years




    009. His Body characteristics?

    not that important but i tend to prefer tall and thin




    010. Hair color:

    darker rather than lighter




    011. Where would you go?

    anwhere conductive to conversation




    012. Is he: outgoing or shy?

    maybe a bit of both




    013. Would you kiss on the first date?

    ideally, yes




    014. What about going farther than a kiss?

    if the fealings are there




    015. Does he wear boxers or breifs?

    neither?





    Which do you prefer?


    016. Pizza or pasta?

    pasta




    017. Jeans or a dress?

    no prefrence




    018. Abercormbie and Fitch or Urban Outfitters?

    yuk




    019. Be Rich or Be Happy?

    happy




    020. Shower or a Bath?

    bath




    021. Gym or music?

    music




    022. Family or friends?

    freinds (if you know my family, you understand:P )




    023. Kiss or hug?

    kiss and hug




    024. Drugs or alcohol or none?

    little bit of alcohol





    Have you ever?


    025. Failed a class?

    yes




    026. Ran away from home?

    yes




    027. Cursed at your parents?

    yes




    028. Taken a dare too far? what was the dare?

    yes, streaking




    029. Flashed someone?

    yes




    030. Made out?

    duh




    031. Had a sexual experience with the same sex? What was it?

    yes





    Your Favorite:


    032. TV Show:

    BSG




    033. Clothes Store:

    goodwill?




    034. School subject:

    anything artistic




    035. Music Artist:

    gah, too hard to choose one




    036. Song:

    same here




    037. Food:

    my spegetti





    Other...


    038. Body type (slim/medium/athletic/other)

    bbw :P




    039. bra size?

    40 DD




    040. Whats on your dresser?

    computer moniter and books




    041. Do you have any siblings? How old are they?

    2 sisters and 2 brothers, dont know excatally how old my half sisters are, something 30 and 40, my older brother would have been 34 this sept. my little bro will be 23




    042. What do you wear to bed?

    nothing




    043. How old were you when you first had Sex?

    16




    044. Do you beleive in ghosts?

    yes




    045. Do you have your own pc?

    yes




Take This Survey | Create a Survey
Tjshome.com

* * *
a link to a "slide show about alzimers and the brain, at the end you can sign up to be a "champion" to help raise awareness. pass it on.

 http://www.alz.org/brain/overview.asp

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I LOVE to swim, sometimes its like i really am an otter. except for a few diffrences. i dont have anything to keep water from going up my nose. 

and i dont have fur, you know what fur is good for? ... it keeps you warm. 

and it keeps you protected from the SUN.


OMG ! i have the worst sunburn ive EVER had in my life. to me, i guess that dosent sound like much because ive never really HAD a bad sunburn. ive always been one of those people who would burn but it wouldent hurt and the next day it was a tan. 

i was in the pool yesterday for like 5 or 6 hours. i put sun block on the kids, and they only got a little pink. 

i was thinking, i wont put any block on me.. i need to get a little bit of sun, after all its not even hot its just warm. 

so last night i wanted to go to the hospital. its hurts SOOOO bad, and i fealt like i was gonna puke and i couldent stop shaking and shivering. i just never found someone to take me. 

so now this morning i wake up thirsty (been drinking from a water bottle all night) and as i move my skin feals like dry parchment. ... nasty. 

and guess what im developing ... 

BLISTERS

these odd half moon shaped ones on each tit, along the burn line. and very odd wavey lines on my back. 

so i got a spray bottle and cleaned it out and put some water and tea tree oil in it and sprayed myself down. feals a bit better. i hope that can keep me from getting an infection.

how im i to sleep? front , back and each arm/ shoulder are raw. 

so far ive been doing it verry carefuly, not moving at all. im glad these couches are soft. 


Oh, and shawn hasent come home yet.. im pritty sure anyway because his puppy isint in its kennel. this is weird. i hope he is ok. ... 


im going to down some more water, spray some more goodness and try to go back to sleep. 


night .... er, morning. 


 
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Here is a few pictures of the inside of my new place ...  


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So i have a place now :)

Im about a 15 min walk from the 82ave max station. the apartments are nice, if old and small. the roomie seems cool. and is rarely here. there is a pool, and i cant wait to go swimming. my rent is 375 a month.

i miss having the kidos around all the time. hannah seems to be loving the fact that she dosent have aidan and alanna bugging her all the time.

im so glad we lived next door to ron and judy for as long as we did. i think that is why aidan and alanna are handeling things so well, the are in an extreemly familiar enviroment and they allready had a bedroom there.

i think i will take some pictures later on. :)

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So nobody has herd much from me the past few weeks, I've been staying in a womens shelter trying find a place of my own.

I've been to so many apointments, and I have another tomorrow. I was so dissapointed to learn that the HUD housing here is all full for the moment. im goint to get on the waiting list. and the woman at Community Action is looking into a few more avenues for me. if worse comes to worse there is a building with studios that I might be able to get into while I wait for a HUD apartment the only problem with that is the rent will be all of my income.

so that's what's up with me, im going to watch some BSG that I downloaded. awsom show.

* * *
I think my neighbor might be dead there are 2 ambulances, a fire truck and 2 county police cars here right now. my neighbor mr.kyle is in one of the ambulances. they were doing chest compressions when they put him in. they don't seem in a hurry to leave and get him to the hospital..and one of the officers went to the house with a camera. im verry sad, kyle is a wonderfull person. :(
* * *
Oregon Health plan has this thing going on for the next few days where you can have your name added to a list. then you MIGHT be able to apply for standard benifits (over 18, not pregnant).

they havent accepted new applications since 2004. im so glad i decided to check up on wether or not they were accepting new people. i have my name on the list and now im keeping my fingers crossed that they choose my name in the drawing.

here is the link, incase you or someone you know needs to get on the list. its only open for a few more days.

http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/open/reservation-list.shtml

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* * *
SO ive wanted something diffrent than whats on my site now for a while, its pritty basic. so ive been messing around with this today. tell me what you think.

snapshot
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Your Score: Multi-Faceted Soul


You scored -8 Extroversion, -2 Sensitivity, and 10 Openness!




In a way, you are a truly balanced person. You have a good sense of self, but you periods of worry and self doubt. You don't like to be alone a lot, but you don't like being constantly surrounded, either. You can be shy in some situations and bold in others. You can tell people how you feel, but you don't wear your heart on your sleeve. You aren't "TOO" anything: You aren't too shy, you aren't too aggressive, you aren't too extroverted, you aren't too introverted. However at any one time you can be any combination of these things.

You tend to adapt yourself to match the situations in which you find yourself. You may be quiet and sensitive with some people, or joking and loud with others. These are all facets of your personality. People tend to perceive you as they want to perceive you. They may even tend to idealize you a bit. Then, when you do something that doesn't fit their concept of who you are (like have an outburst of anger, or a fit of shyness, or make an insensitive joke)they can be shocked and surprised. Does anyone know the real you?

Your daemon would represent your multi-faceted and ever-changing personality, as well as people's tendency to idealize you. He or she would get angry when you did not, be calm and poised when you felt ruffled and anxious, and always be the voice of emotion and reason in your ear.

Suggested forms: Swan, Elephant, Koala, Panda, Chameleon, Wolf.

Link: The Golden Compass Daemon Test written by wolfcaroling on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
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VoicePost
515K 2:47
“Alannah: My dream was about.. pirates! And a parrot.. (something.) And then pirates found it. Then they put it in some cages. And then! Mommy cut it apart for us. And then I sat out. And then (a lot of phone going blank sorry.) And then we listened to pirates. Then we found them! Then we cut their heads off. Because there was plenty of us. And then we cutted the body apart and then we cooked eat them. And then we had to take the bones out. Then we got all of the bones out, and then we ate them! And then we squashed the eyeballs out. And then we squashed the blood out. And then we ate them! Can I tell you my dream!!!”

Transcribed by: karinablack
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ead sagcat
* * *
Poll #1059774 Curious...

How would the people who know you best, describe you?

Peaceful and quite introverted
2(40.0%)
Wacky and truly one of a kind
2(40.0%)
Very charming and often expressive
0(0.0%)
Quite smart and a bit mysterious
1(20.0%)
Somewhat assertive and a bit of a know it all
0(0.0%)
Incredibly energetic and somewhat focused
0(0.0%)
Highly intelligent and very studious
0(0.0%)
Fiercely independent and a bit stubborn
0(0.0%)
* * *
* * *
You Should Play the Guitar

You're very independent - both in spirit and in the way you learn.
You can teach yourself almost anything, even if it makes your fingers bleed.

You're not really the type to sit patiently through a music lesson - or do things by the book.
It's more your style to master the fundamentals and see where they take you.

Highly creative and a bit eclectic, you need a wide range of music to play.
You could emerge as a sensitive songwriter... or a manic rock star.

Your dominant personality characteristic: being rebellious

Your secondary personality characteristic: tenacity


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



You Should Be With a Water Sign!



Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces



Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship

And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can

Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing

A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

* * *
 So it sucks, i think everyone forgot my birthday, aside from imediate family. im all bummed out and shit. up untill about an hour ago the highlight of my day was my nap, in wich i had a nice dream. juday and ron came over a little while ago to bring me a "cake" and sing me happy birthday. that helped alot especally since judy made me a fruit salad instead of a cake.  being mindfull of how im trying to eat healthy. its little things like that that show you that the person really cares for you.  .. i think why im still sad after judy coming over is that the people whome i consider to be my closest freinds havent said hi or anything. not even my bestfreind. 

So im fealing particularly "emo" right now, sue me.

* * *
* * *

 

heres the ad description

hi;
Due to the demands and requirements of life, i must sell my smooth running and good looking 1980 VW bus.
This is a 7 passenger air cooled 4 cylinder and 4 speed VW bus with a fold down rear seat, ability to haul 1000 pounds, and a sturdy side sliding door....seats are very good, glass excellent, no dents or rust to speak of on this vehicle; runs on 4 excellent all season 6 ply radial mud/snow tires, has a very good spare tire and all tire tools, everything on it works, comes with an 8 year warranty heavy duty battery less than a year old, recently replaced alternator, and NEW Oregon license plates with DEQ tags good til September of 2009.
The bus starts right up and runs smoothly....it was my commuter to and from Salem. It gets better mileage than the water cooled VW vans you see around. NO issues with water leaks, no water hoses, no water pumps or radiators... Oh, it also comes with wrap around curtains mounted on rails and a locking gas cap, ...and This smooth runner does not leak even in heavy rain and does not rattle going down the highway.
I made an attempt to sell this bus earlier but i had to go away for a time... so now i shall again offer this smooth running 1980 bus for your approval. I must sell it soon. Thanks for looking... please email or better yet ring me with any questions...until 9pm.
I can deliver in the Portland area to a sincere and confirmed buyer. $1450 or best offer. 


we went, we saw, we drove, we love. :D

jeff is going to go to the bank in the morn and then go pay the guy and bring it home. i wish it was still camping season!
 
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* * *
 Aidans first day of school  is today :) 

i wish i could remeber where i hid the camera :(

* * *

So it looks as if we wont actually be buying a house anytime soon. not unless the loan is under Ron's name and we just pay the morgage.  eh 

credit sucks.

* * *
 Im gonna steal Her idea and post my favorite dog breeds, just for something to post about i guess.

In Alphabetical Order ...

1.) American Staffordshire Terrier 


2.) Border Collie


3.) Boxer


4.) Bull Mastif


5.) German Shepard


6.) Golden Retriever


7.) Great Dane


8.) Black/Yellow/Chocolate Lab


9.) Pharoh Hound


10.) Rhodesian Ridgeback


11.) Rottwiler


12.)  Siberian Husky


13.) Staffordshire Bull Terrier


You think that maybe i like big dogs ???
* * *
so i know ive been lax in the LJ department. im gonna try and fix that, even if its mostly quizes and meme's. but even then those usually mean something to me.

so yeah, i have a new computer :D
dell insperon 17" widescreen
kick ass graphics card
other kick ass specs.

so now i can play on Second Life *weeeee*

* * *
So, weve been needing to buy a house for quite sometime now. and weve finally agreed, that while we cant afford a "real" house we can afford a manufactured home. weve picked a park that we like and we are either gonna buy one thats allready there and fits our needs or were gonna buy a brand new one and have it put in to one of the new lots.

the park, http://www.bigvalleywoods.com/bvw_directions.htm

one of the places for sale, http://www.equitygroup.com/lid=17842292&S=GB

my favorite floor plan, http://www.palmharbor.com/our-homes/floor-plans/sr-floor-plans/fp-20-nw-timberridge-N5V460T5/

so yeah, once upon a time jeff swore that he would never move into a park but i think things have changed.

IM EXCITED!
* * *
* * *
You scored as Biting. When it comes to being kinky, your biggest turn on is biting. You love the ectasy of teeth sinking into your flesh, and are probably willing to return the favor. Sex just isn't sex without using your teeth.

</td>

Biting

100%

Bondage

100%

Whips

67%

Chains/Handcuffs

58%

Blind Folds

58%

Blood

50%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com
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you are mediumauqamarine
#66CDAA

Your dominant hues are cyan and green. Although you definately strive to be logical you care about people and know there's a time and place for thinking emotionally. Your head rules most things but your heart rules others, and getting them to meet in the middle takes a lot of your energy some days.

Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.

Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.
the spacefem.com html color quiz
* * *
So anyone who pays attention to my blog knows that I have Rosacea

I woke up tonight after a "nap" with my lower left eyelid hurting. It is a Familiar pain; my dad always said it was a Sty. I remembered that there are ocular symptoms of Resaca as well so I decided to look them up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blepharitis is a common inflammatory condition of the eyelids characterized by itching, burning, foreign-body sensation and crusting of the eyelids, especially prominent in the mornings. Microscopic examination may show crusting of the eyelashes and red, thickened eyelid margins with dilated blood vessels. Many patients will also have meibomian (oil) gland dysfunction characterized by inspissation (thickening) of the oils and, perhaps, plugging of the glands. There may also be a seborrheic (dandruff) or infectious (usually "staph") component that contributes to the disorder. Blepharitis is more common in patients with rosacea.

Treatment of blepharitis is multifactorial and often required indefinitely, to minimize or alleviate symptoms. Most patients are instructed to scrub the eyelid margins (eyelashes) gently with cotton-tipped applicators (Q-tips) once or twice daily for a few weeks, then once every two to four days for long-term control. Many ophthalmologists believe that cleansing should be completed with tap water (on the Q-tip) only, although dilute baby shampoo has traditionally been recommended. Warm compresses to the eyelids, artificial tears, and antibiotic or antibiotic-steroid combination ointments are often recommended as well. If the meibomian glands are involved (i.e., plugging is present), then tetracycline antibiotics are often prescribed, perhaps for weeks or months at a time. Tetracyclines cannot be used in children under about 14 years of age, nursing or expectant mothers, or even women who might become pregnant due to the risk of damage to immature teeth and bones with this antibiotic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I underlined the symptoms that I have/had. So im thinking that I have the beginnings of this. Did you read the treatment? Damn ... antibiotics are also used to treat the main symptoms of roseacia. The antibiotic makes the oils secreted in the skin to be less "viscous" there by reducing the frequency and severity of flare-ups.

I have a big thing against casually using antibiotics; I will only get a prescription as a last resort. But what is more important to me? My face and the health of my skin, or my desire to limit antibiotics? Sadly to say I think my face will win out.

ive never been incredibly vain and I know im by far not the most beautiful person in the world. But I happen to love the few blessings I have as far as appearances go. And the thought of loosing those is scary.

I am a very visual person, as horrible as it sounds I can be sexually attracted to someone if I can't find something appealing about there appearance. No matter how nice the person is ive never been able to get past an ugly face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rhinophyma was once thought to be caused by heavy alcohol consumption, but this is not the case. Rhinophyma occurs equally in those who do not drink at all and those who drink alcohol in quantity. It is seen almost exclusively in men over age 40.

The cause of rhinophyma is unknown, though it is generally regarded as a severe form of rosacea. It is a relatively rare disorder involving thickening of the skin on the nose and the presence of many oil glands. The nose talks on a bulb-like (bulbous) look. http://www.skinsite.com/info_rosacea.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I understand that with medical treatment I can avoid this, if you think im overreacting. Im not, I already have noticeably thickening skin on my cheeks.

It just sucks, ya know?

Maybe in a past life I was overly vain and lazy, so maybe this time around the roseacia and narcolepsy is my karma for that.
* * *
so it seems that not many of my freinds actually read this. post a comment if you care wether or not i stay.

cuz im seriousley thinkin about just keeping to myspace for blogging.

* * *
i saw the results for this and promptly turned into a limp tara. i told jeff it was so funny because when i was a kid my aunt barbra would take me to the fair and i would spend most of my time in the livestock tents, inciting a riot among the goats with my goat voice. i did it for jeff and you all should have seen the look on his face "no wonder" he says.

hehe *snort* im easealy amused




Steve and Kathy are Proud to Announce the Birth of their Child, Tara , on September 19, 1982.
Unfortunately, Tara is the reincarnation of a goat.
Steve and Kathy are visiting an exorcist soon.
What Did Your Birth Announcement Say? at QuizGalaxy.com

* * *
* * *
and it turns out he isint, well to me he is but there is a name for his markings.

he is called a (Seal) Lynx Point Siamese if you click on this link and scroll down a bit untill you see the picture titled as such you will see what i mean. that cat looks JUST like kinkers. pale blue eyes and all. its the 4th picture down.

http://www.permescats.com/new_page_2.htm

* * *
im getting ready to Rug Doctor the carpets. what they really need is a professional cleaning, but this will help untill we have the money for that. 

so much fun : /

* * *
"Reply to this post telling me how fabulous my song selections are, and I'll give you a letter of your own! The challenge isn't so much in finding 10 songs starting with your letter- any asshole can do THAT.

The challenge is in finding 10 GOOD songs starting with your letter."

KarinaBlack gave me the letter T 

1). Take a Picture - Filter 

2). Tears Dont Fall - Bullet for my Valentine ( im liking this song verry much right now) 

3). Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

4). Thankyou - Dido

5). The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang

6). Thetawaves - System Of A Down 

7). Toxicity - System Error running style: S2TIMEOUT: Timeout: 4, URL: tizznara.livejournal.com/ at /home/lj/src/s2/S2.pm line 531.